11 Ways to Enjoy New York

Hey two people who care. I'm actually blogging again. What's this? Twice in two weeks? Is this a turning point in my blog-life?...Doubt it. But it's okay. You can just enjoy my presence while it lasts and then weep when I once again leave you for months at a time.

Have I depressed you yet? Good.

Here's some more depressing news. I was planning on writing a wonderful post about Twitter, but unfortunately I was not able to create a suitable image to help illustrate my point. And without an image, the point is moot.

I'm sorry all. I apologize for my ineptitude. I tried. Perhaps someday I'll get my act together and install Photoshop or inDesign into my laptop. But alas, today is not that day. And you'll have to live with the knowledge that you came oh so close to knowing what my views on the site are only to have your hopes ripped away in an instant.

Can you live with that knowledge? Too bad.
Instead my friends I am going to talk about something different.

For those of you that don't know, I am from NYC (that's New York City for you geographically challenged). And many times while walking through the city, I will contemplate the difference between us natives and those visiting the city. I'm amazed at how we as a city are labeled as rude and mean. And then ponder on why tourists all seem incredibly simple-minded. These stereotypes can't be accurate, can they?

Well I have arrived at a conclusion. They are. But only to an extent. Because dear reader it is my belief that while we all may be human, New Yorkers are entirely different creatures than the average person, and therefore should be approached in a different manner. So for you non-New Yorkers, this post is for you.

11 Ways to Enjoy New York Without Pissing People Off or Getting Mocked

1. Understand this. The sidewalk is like the street, only for pedestrians. There are invisible lanes of fast walkers (99% of New Yorkers) going one way, and fast walkers going the other way. If you want to stop and look at a building, walk your ass all the way over to the edge of the sidewalk near the street. I swear, you'll get less glares if you don't block people's way.

2. On a similar note, do not stop in the middle of the street to (a) look at a map, (b) take pictures or (c) look up at the skyscrapers. New Yorkers are multitaskers. We're often on the phone, carrying coffee, holding bags, and walking 12 blocks to work at the same time. We don't want to have to be on the lookout for roadblocking tourists also.

3. If you are going to go around the city with a group of people, learn to walk like ants. Form a line of some sort, one behind the other. Too often, I will have to walk into the street and around parked cars because a group of young ladies has decided to form their own Red Rover line across the sidewalk. Please don't make me run through you.

4. Calm down with the photos. We understand New York is beautiful. But you don't need to take 15 photos of the same building in an instant. The Empire State Building isn't going to run away, nor change shape like a Transformer. So give that shutter button a break.

5. If you see something bizarre or kinda freaky, pretend like you don't. There's nothing ruder than a person doing a 360 neck-breaking head jerk to stare at someone's appearance. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate one of them looking at your t-shirt and jeans and thinking you're a weirdo.

6. If you're lost and want directions, avoid people wearing sunglasses. They don't want to make eye-contact, so you'll just get your feelings hurt when they walk passed you. P.S. don't assume cops know directions either. They'll often point you in a vague direction and let you find your own way.

7. If you want to talk to a stranger on the street, make sure the timing is right. Catch a person when the crosswalk is just turning steady red. Most people won't start to cross, so you'll have an entire light cycle to ask a question.

8. Before going out and asking directions, do some research yourself. We live here but that doesn't mean we're Mapquest. If you ask me where 123 Something Lane is, I'm not going to automatically know. But with simple keywords of areas or landmarks: Uptown, Downtown, East Side, West Side, Times Square, etc. I can at least give you basic instructions and point you in the right direction.

9. Yes, it's true. There are maps inside the train. But those are mostly for show emergency reference. Use the maps in the stations. There's nothing more annoying than having a person lean over you and try to trace their fingers on a map, when you're sitting right under it.

10. Enjoy the city. Often what turns me off when I see tourists is when they see something or experience something in NY and they say something bad about it. Yes, we have roaches the size of half dollars. And yes, like every city, we have garbage and the homeless. But those are things we can't control. We'll do our best to be good hosts but you have to be good guests as well. I don't walk around your house and comment on how ugly your furniture is, so don't walk around my city and comment on how much you hate it.

** sidenote for post 10** New York is a melting pot of cultures. And we're not stupid. Just because you talk in a different language doesn't mean your conversation is private and no one understands. And just because a person has headphones on, doesn't mean they have music playing and can't hear you. So be careful what you say in front of people.


11. Use some common sense. You can't blame us for every bad experience you have. Sometimes it's your own damn fault. If you want to walk around Harlem at 3am with a wad full of cash sticking out of your pocket, prepare to get jumped. It's as simple as that. Don't start bashing on us saying that we ruined your vacation because you did something stupid. We won't be sympathetic. And if you did something stupid enough, we'll laugh about it straight in your face. That's just how we roll.


Okay so I know this was a really long post, but I hope that anyone who reads it finds it useful. And in case you thought this post was a little unkind or unfair to those people who just want to visit the Big Apple, don't worry. My fellow New Yorkers will be getting their own helpful hints list on how not to be a-holes later on. Until later!